Toxic Relationships and Letting Go of Your Boots

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

I once heard a famous actor tell the story of how he let go of his relationship with a sibling, using the analogy of “having to part with too many boots.”

Essentially, his message revealed how his involvement with this person, more often than not, netted him a walk in a pile of sh** so foul that he had to part with his boots. And after parting with so many pairs of boots, he decided to let go.

His analogy so clearly resonated with me. In 50 years, I could not have said it with greater clarity.

A couple of years ago, I did the same letting go maneuver with my mother’s first born. However, the appearance of his signature lingers in the wake and it smells like the same pile of you know what, if you know what I mean.

Toxic Relationships

Some toxic relationships are toxic because of the harm they implicate you in; while others are toxic because of the direct hit intended to hurt you. And then there are those that are both.

The analogy used by the actor referred to in the opening of this article insight helped me clarify the toxicity in this relationship in meaningful ways.

The Foul Scent Lingers On

This person, I choose no further contact with, is a registered sex offender and appears to frequent porn sites. Years ago, I recall running into the porn site signature during a time I was working with him on one of our sites. At the time, my second and beloved brother, whom I trusted implicitly, insisted it was the trail of this person in question.

Subsequently, this person crawled in bed with my ex and his soldiers, figuratively…on an expedition to assist him in concealing criminal theft following my mother’s passing.

His explicit threat to me in the months prior was “I’m going to show you what it is like to be alone.” His triangulation game was part of his attempted effort, so it seems.

Spammers and Foul Play

Just last week, we received a comment on one of my blog posts, making reference to an ex. It was obviously a spam comment, with a personal edge.

Usually, when spammers leave their comments on your blog, it will contain one or two URLs to some site they seek to promote. This comment had back-links to 15 porn sites.

Mind you, I have never been to a porn site. It was obvious that this spammer wanted to send a message, and an ugly one at that. So we parted with our boots and prohibited further comments to the blog post.

Toxic is Toxic

In letting go of toxic relationships, I have learned that toxic is toxic and the best thing to do with toxic is not internalize it. Let it go and move on, even though you may be parting with your boots.

For more information on identifying and healing in and from toxic relationships, visit

Dr. Jeanne King, psychologist and author, helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

© Dr Jeanne King, PhD. — Domestic Violence Prevention

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