Psychology of Battering ~ Projection and Control in Abusive Relationships

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed how some people want you to know that you fall short on their satisfaction scale no matter what you give?

You go all out to please them in their time of need, and still it’s not enough. That is their message; but is that their truth? I don’t think so.

More likely, it is just a game that they play to keep you bobbing for their love, acceptance and approval. It’s their way of saying you must continue working because you fall short.

It’s their way of holding the upper hand…keeping you in your place and under their control. It is more about the power dynamics within the relationship.

Take Carol and Ben, for example. I realize that Ben could be in the role of Carol, and Carol could be Ben. We know that domestic abuse crosses gender boundaries. For the sake of balance, I am illustrating this point from the abused man’s perspective.

Keeping a Partner Bobbing for Love and Approval

Ben went all out in his efforts to support his wife’s new career vision. He offered her emotional, psychological and financial support, and committed hours of time in helping her with foundation research…investigating launch options.