Narcissistic Disregard in Abusive Relationships

When Your Discomfort Matters Not

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed how some people will throw a deaf ear at your plea for change and your cry for help…just because. And then, the more you speak, the less you are heard. It’s as though they want you to believe that no matter how you ask what you seek, it will not be forth coming…just because.

Take Andy and Rebeca, for example. Andy has a habit of engaging restaurant servers into conversations about matters unrelated to the meal at hand. On this one evening, he was chatting with Rebeca in a back and forth banter over a recent physical assault/encounter of theirs.

Rebeca sees the waiter coming and politely asks Andy to refrain from talking further about their different perspectives on this experience. Andy clearly hears her request (repeated many times), but that doesn’t stop this man’s lips.

The waiter walks up and Andy blurts out the very thing that Rebeca begs Andy not to discuss at the table in front of this stranger. But even worse, Andy not only spits it out in his uncensored style, he poses it as a question asked directly to the waiter: “Is it rape, if you…”.

So now, Rebeca sits in the wake of her request for privacy in a public place. And she is…