Identifying Domestic Abuse Coercive Control ~

From Ignorance to Understanding

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Often times people in abusive relationships know something is not right, but have a difficult time identifying the specific dynamics in play. One feels violated, yet the actual violation remains blurred amidst the stress and strain of the conflict that they live with their abusive controlling partner.

In many cases, they may not even recognize their partner as being a perpetrator of domestic abuse. Moreover, the battering partner (male or female) doesn’t see it either. They don’t envision themselves as a domestic violence offender. You may think this is because of denial; however, it may also be about ignorance.

Domestic violence is commonly thought of as the black and blue…the push, the shove, the hit, punch, scratch, slap…whatever marking remains to tell that something “physical” happened. Or, it might be thought of as the foul language and swear words that dart across the room in the heat of an argument. These verbal assaults, like physical abuse, are concrete.

They are the well known swords of domestic abuse. And believe it or not, these forms of abuse represent only a small portion of the tactics used to establish and maintain an unequal distribution of power and control in an…