Healing Emotional Abuse ~ Find the Rose; Don’t Get Stuck on the Thorn
by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
I made this little meme not too long ago and every time I read it, I heal from the inside out. I’m reminded of what I have gained over what I have lost. And that thrills me beyond words.
I have been meditating since I was 20 years old and have maintained a regular daily sitting practice for my entire adult life. It is actually the most important part of my life.
When I met the man I had children with, I did everything I could to play it down because he didn’t like my doing it. But, the fact is I never stopped. To him it was “weird,” and he let me know that in no uncertain terms.
He hated that I would go into a dark room, do nothing and come out happy (in his words). That was his daily complaint about me and the thing he used to separate me from the people we brought into the world.
What occurs to me today is that I no longer have to worry that my sitting practice is “interfering” with another person’s life. I’m not holding anyone up. I’m not drinking from a secret well of well-being unknown to those around me. I’m not weird because of my practice of silence and daily meditation.
I am me having one of the best times in my life. There is no thorn in my side over meditation. I have the privilege of lingering in bliss whenever and for how long I’m drawn to do so. And now with COVID-19 restrictions, I have even more time to delve into the joyous presence of stillness within.
The Meditation Legacy
The funny thing is that two of the three people produced in that failed marriage asked me if I would teach them how to meditate. When the oldest asked seven years ago, I nearly lost my own breath. All I could think was…that’s what I’m being “punished” for…I’ll pass.
Then when adult child number three asked me to teach him to meditate a couple of years ago, I offered no response. I was so taken aback that I dipped my Chinese food into the tea. I was not having a senior moment; I was in a state of utter shock. At the time, I could not tell if this was part of a larger manipulation or a genuine request.
I was keenly aware that we had come full circle on the issue of meditating. Suffice it to say, teaching him meditation did not happen. God only knows what part of the sky would have fallen down should I have done that forbidden act of teaching these people how to meditate.
Finding Your Rose
My beloved mother use to always say, find what you love about it. She’d say it when things were good. She’d say it when things were bad. She’d say it time and time again. As an adolescent, I sometimes felt she was putting her head in the sand, ignoring what stunk in the moment.
Today, I’m ever so aware that she was finding the rose and not getting stuck on the thorn. Look at your own life at all the many places where you are getting stuck on the thorn, and remind yourself of the sweet scent and abundant beauty in the rose.
For more information about healing psychological trauma from within, visit www.innersanctuaryonline.org and get instant access to insights on domestic abuse dynamics and healing from the trauma of being in an abusive relationship.
Dr. Jeanne King, psychologist, author, consultant, helps people break the cycle of narcissistic, domestic abuse and find wholeness, happiness and harmony.
© Dr Jeanne KingPhD — Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention