Estranged Parents & Abused Children

The Conditioning of Parental Disrespect and Hate

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“What’s going on between you and me has little to do with us; rather, it is more about the dynamics between you and your father/mother.” Sound familiar?

If you are a woman, you may know this as “domestic violence by proxy.” If you are a man, you more likely call it “parental alienation.” I am not suggesting that these two terms (domestic violence by proxy and parental alienation) refer to the same syndrome.

If you are familiar with the domestic abuse literature, you know that they grew out of two completely different worlds. So let’s keep them separate and look at the impact on the strained parent-child relationships.

Conditioning of Parental Hate

In practice, the way the two syndromes present is that children (both minor and adult) are groomed to reject the estranged parent through conditioning. They are rewarded for both experiencing and expressing distaste, disgust and distain for the target-alienated parent. And they are punished overtly and subtly when they reach out with love and affection for, or parenting from, the forbidden parent.

Distorted Relationship