Domestic Abuse Therapy ~ What Is the Difference between Battering and Anger?

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

A turning point insight for people in domestic abuse therapy comes with their understanding the distinction between battering and anger.

They may say, “If battering is off the table and no longer acceptable in my relationship, then what do I do with my anger?” For crying out loud, we all get angry, right? That’s part of being a human being.

But, the issue at hand here is the implied relationship between anger and battering. Are they the same? How are they different?

The Choices of Anger

People who abuse their intimate partners usually believe that anger is expressed through battering, and battering is the expression/manifestation of anger. While this may be their truth, it doesn’t make anger and battering the same. There is always a choice in what we do with our anger.

You can allow the heat of your rage to explode into verbal, emotional or physical striking toward another. Or, you can have it bubble up and explode onto itself. You can channel it into some productive release, or sit with it until it dissipates from within.

You always have a choice in how you experience and express your anger. Even with 30 years of reflexive conditioning…