Domestic Abuse Healing — When Pain Becomes Purpose

By Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

The Foundation from Which I Stood

I was a sophomore in college struggling to find my place in the world. From the outside looking in, one would have thought I had it all. Straight A student; Dean’s List in graduate school; Valedictorian of gifted-children’s high school; Multiple state trophy Latin scholar throughout high school and junior high; Head-turning physical appearance (so they said); Voted most popular among my peers; Enjoyed a fulfilling sorority life with loads of campus fun; and Always had a steady boyfriend. I was in top physical shape as an avid swimmer with the foundation of a childhood gymnast. Yet, inside — while healthy and happy — I was alone and I knew there was more.

What I Really Wanted in Life

I wanted higher purpose and well-being independent of my accomplishments, and not attached to other people’s love, acceptance and appreciation. I wanted pure happiness not connected to anything someone could give or take away from me — just pure unadulterated well-being.

As an undergrad, I radiated well-being from the outside in, but inside I knew something larger was possible. I had a reputation in my family as being different…spacey, kind of out there. But, it was hard to bad mouth because I had been the most accomplished in my immediate family. Even so, that didn’t stop `em. My two older brothers, whom each disgraced our family, had their fair share of put-downs, intimidation and out right bullying toward me over the years.

Despite all that was right for me, relatively speaking, I knew there was more to life. How to get there was a mystery, yet I felt confident that I would find my way, somehow someday. A door opened along these lines when I learned to meditate in 1972. It became a very important part of my success, my work, my identity…my life.

The Roots of My Well-Being

Like most southern belles, I was raised to believe that I was supposed to get married and have a family. My career, if I was to have one, could only be “nurse” or “teacher.” Not liking the sights, sounds and smells of medicine, nursing was out of the question and I wanted to do more than teach in the traditional way.