Battered Men — The “Abused Endurer” Stuck in His Emotional Desert

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Battered men possess an amazing amount of strength. The problem is that the only real power they embody is their strength to absorb the violence.

In the cascade of verbal, emotional, psychological and physical abuse, they endure — day by day, week by week, year by year. They stand there and take it, weathering the blows as they fake “you can’t hurt me.”

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

They cannot stop the battering, as it’s not theirs to stop. They do not escape as leaving is not an option. And striking back…well, that’s unheard of…these men were raised not to hit women.

So with each passing assault, they become more and more entrenched in their game as the abused endurer. They know their part in this dynamic, and that knowledge feeds their shame, guilt and self-blame.

Abusive Wife — Victor or Loser

The battering female is both victor and loser. Both she and her abused partner know she holds the power to win their disputes, control their family options and essentially run their lives.

But in her victory, she pains the loss of that which she most earnestly longs — his feelings…his emotional inner world. She’d do just about anything just to “make him” feel something…anything.

However, he has become a master at walling himself off from any emotional affect…