Abusive Relationship Dynamics ~ When an Offer Becomes a Curse

by Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.

“I’m offering ‘such and such,’ and if you do not accept my offer…I’ll just continue offering it to you until you do.” Sound familiar?

Some people think domestic abuse is about the mean things people do to you. They believe it is all about the hitting, slapping and name-calling. But that is the icing on the cake… That is the outward manifestation of one’s effort to regain control felt-to-be lost.

The example interaction opening this article is the more subtle underlying interaction dynamic of an abusive relationship. Essentially, it is one person ignoring the preferences of another.

It is one person insisting that they know more about what’s best for you than you do. It’s one person refusing to honor the other person’s wishes and needs.

Abusive Interaction and Lack of Honor

Abusive relationships are fertile ground for a void in the honoring of and regard for the expressed needs and preference of the un-empowered partner. Eventually, this person simply stops expressing their desires so as to hold conflict at bay. But what ends up happening is that the conflict erupts from the inside out until it climaxes into a domestic assault.